The things we carry with us

Picture, if you will, some times in the future, far enough into the future that World of Warcraft's last server has been shut down long ago, the epics and the mounts now nothing more than a memory. Other games have taken hold of our collective conscious, and all we have left are whatever screenshots we took; whatever merchandise we purchased, merchandise we probably keep just for nostalgia's sake; and the various archives of websites and blogs dedicated to the game. The Wikipedia page about WoW, the tvtropes page about WoW, all of them have stopped being updated as frequently as they once were. Our collective awareness of WoW has moved firmly into the domain of memory.

Now imagine a time even farther into the future. Not much farther, for it probably won't take as long as you may think to reach this point, but at this time in the future, our memories of WoW have started to become fuzzy. We may remember certain instances that made a big impression on us, or certain raid nights that were particularly unique for some reason or other, but the finer details of the game elude us. If someone asked, you couldn't tell them what stat was best for your class or what the best strategy for beating raid boss X was. You couldn't tell them what piece of gear you were most proud of, or what boss was your favorite to fight.

Or could you? I ask that question because of my own experiences with nostalgia related to a favorite game; specifically, Metal Gear Solid 3. I was lucky enough to procure the soundtrack to this amazing game, and though all of the music was enjoyable, I was particularly taken back by one song. It's the song that plays during the ending cinematic of the game, during which the big reveal that makes the game the tear-jerker that it is comes out. I wouldn't dare spoil it for you, but suffice it to say that the Metal Gear Solid series as a whole is one of the few series that has ever made me cry, and the third installment was no exception, thanks to the ending. Listening to the music that plays during the ending, I got chills like I hadn't felt in a long time. I was reminded of just how powerful that ending was, and I even got a bit teary-eyed as I listened. Naturally, this made me want to look up the ending on YouTube and watch it again, which I did. But a funny thing happened: I wasn't nearly as affected by seeing the ending itself as I had been by the music. Thinking that listening to the music had just ruined me for whatever nostalgic experiences I might have otherwise had, I tried listening to the song again, and I had more of those nostalgic chills than I did while watching the ending cinematic. It was this that made me realize that the music had stayed with me more than the actual plot itself, that the music was what I had carried with me.

Now, great as it was, the music was hardly the best part of Metal Gear Solid 3. The story, the gameplay, the boss fights, the sheer depth of the game--everything about it was impressive and worth remembering. So why, of all things, is it the music that takes me back the most? Your guess is as good as mine, but it was a lesson for me. I learned that we can never be sure what will what will make us fondly remember the things we are nostalgic about. What does this have to do with WoW? If nothing else, it made me realize that the things that make me nostalgic for WoW once I stop playing might be the things I least expect. It might, of course, be the music; after all, music from WoW has made me nostalgic before. But music isn't the only thing that has made me unexpectedly nostalgic for something; in conversing with a friend of mine, I once became nostalgic for the original Spyro the Dragon trilogy by remembering this one glitch in the second game that allowed you to swim in the air in one of the levels. It was my first video game glitch that I exploited knowingly, and remembering it brought back fond memories of that time.

I suppose the only useful conclusion I can come to from these ramblings is that developers should do their best to make sure that every aspect of their game (the visuals, the sound effects, the music, the writing, etc.) is superb, because different things make different people nostalgic. Sure, they should also focus on making the game fun to play, but we're going to be living with our memories long after we stop playing this game, and those memories will be the true payoff for our experiences. They will be the lasting trophies of our triumphs, but what good are they if we don't actually remember them? That's where these nostalgic triggers come in, for they are what help us remember those good times, and those triggers will work best if they are well done. Would the music that played during Metal Gear Solid 3's finale have brought me back if it weren't as well done as it is? Probably not. That's why game designers owe it to players to make sure every part of the game is very well designed, so that players can be better served by their memories.

Putting a sense mystery back in the game?

About a month ago, I wrote about the contrast between playing as a new player and playing as someone with more experience with WoW. Well, the topic has once again been brought to the forefront of my mind, because as I was taking my long-suffering shaman alt through Dragonblight today, I did a quest in a crypt that brought me back to my first serious character, an undead warrior (the crypt reminded me quite a bit of Tirisfal Glades, which is why it brought me back to that time of newbish-amazement). Once again, I was overwhelmed by that same sense that I talked about in my last post on the topic: that sense of immersion, of wonder, of amazement over what has been seen. It brought me back to that time when things were simpler, and I could enjoy these simple things without wanting/eagerly awaiting more.

I theorized in my last post that what differentiated my behavior as a player now and my behavior as a player then was the fact that I was more concerned about efficiency now; more concerned about efficiently leveling my character, efficiently leveling my professions, efficiently playing the game in general. The only reason I could be this concerned was that experience had given me the knowledge of various was of playing the game, as well as knowledge of the potential consequences of playing the game "incorrectly". Is it any surprise, then, that when I finally realized today what it was that made the game so amazing when I first started playing, the answer I hit upon was the simple concept of mystery?

It really is a very simple idea: if gaining knowledge of the game is what takes the wonder of it away, then not having that knowledge is what makes the game so wondrous. When we don't know what amazing abilities and spells are going to be available to us at later levels, it's easier to enjoy using the abilities and spells we have now. When we don't know that there are better designed quests waiting for us on a new continent, it's easier to enjoy the quests we are doing now. When we don't know how powerful the gear available to us at higher levels is, it's easier to be excited about an upgrade at a lower level. And in a larger sense, as I have said before, it's easier to enjoy the game now when you don't know that better content is on its way and you don't know just how much better than content is going to be.

So the question in my mind then becomes, is it ever possible to regain this sense of mystery? Is it ever possible to somehow return to a time when things were new? I doubt it's possible to do so without starting over in a completely new game, but I don't think it's completely impossible to do in WoW. The game is always changing, and WoW as it is now is a very different game from WoW when it first came out. Considering just how much is going to change in Cataclysm, there's certainly plenty of potential to rekindle that sense of mystery. The quests in the redesigned Azeroth will be quite new to us, as will the overall design of the zones. Though we will be getting many of the same abilities as we level a character, the order and pace at which we get them after Cataclysm comes out will be quite unlike the order and pace at which we get them now. The talent trees will also be quite different, and spending talents in them will be exceptionally different as well, for we will be getting one point every two levels.

Yes, the potential is certainly there, so the challenge lies, for me, at least, in spoiling as little as possible for myself. I've been dutifully avoiding spoilers of what the new zones and the redesigned zones look like and what their quests there will be like, but I recently discovered that I probably have to do even more to truly make Cataclysm the wonderous experience it can be. If I want Cataclysm to really bring back some of that mysterious wonder into the game, I need to try to stay as virginal as I can when it comes to knowledge of the mechanics as well. That's why I've stopped trying to become familiar with the rogue talent trees and the order in which rogues get abilities (my first alt after Cataclysm drops will probably be a rogue); I want the experience to be new, fresh, to be something that can revive that feeling I felt when I first started playing. And in order for that to happen, I need to know as little as possible going in.

And I'm ok with that. I'm ok with the idea of avoiding information for the sake of making the experience better, because I know it will be worth it. I'm also with the opposite, with sacrificing some small parts of the experience for the sake of knowing more when Cataclysm comes out. I do still keep up with many of the changes to the mechanics of the game, because as a new player, there's some level of foreknowledge that I just need to have, or else I won't feel comfortable going in. That sense of mystery can never be completely reclaimed, after all, so there really isn't any harm in knowing some things beforehand; it's just the way a player like me plays.

Oh, to be a newbie again

Go ahead and play that video up there; there are no spoken words in the song it links to, so it shouldn't distract you as you read this post. Of course, for the full effect, it's best to just play it and close your eyes. Do you recognize that music? You should if you started playing before Burning Crusade was released. It's the music that played on the original log-in screen of World of Warcraft, when WoW was just WoW. I listed to that music recently, and I got the usual nostalgic jitters that I get when I listen to or watch something that I loved that I haven't seen or heard in a while. But something more than jitters overcame me that day. I was flooded with something similar to memories, but rather than a single flashback to a single event, I instead felt a certain sense. It was that sense of wonder I felt when I first started playing WoW.

Maybe you remember it, too: the time when you first started playing WoW, and everything was a new experience. It's hard for me to describe it, because, like I said, it wasn't a single memory that overcame me that day, but a sensation. The sensation I felt when all of the quests I was doing, all of the dungeons I was running, were all new. When I could walk into the next zone and literally had no idea what would be there to great me, aside form a scant few descriptions I had seen in general chat. When I took skinning and leatherworking because it was what I thought would be the best choice, not what others had told me would be the most beneficial in the leveling process. When I chose to level as Feral Combat because I thought it would be the most fun, in spite of all of the anti-feral sentiment that existed at the time (this was back when only warriors could tank).

Of course, I'm not one to wear rose-tinted glasses, and there are things that I regret about that time. I regret limiting myself to one quest at a time (my thinking at the time being that I would be better able to focus on that quest if I only had one). I regret selling my ore and leather to vendors (I thought that was how you made money with those professions; I wasn't aware of the existence of the auction house at the time). I regret staying in one zone without moving around when I ran out of quests, choosing instead to grind enemies until I was of a high enough level to do the quests I had. But these were all understandable newbie mistakes, and who doesn't have a few of those in their memory banks? We all did stupid things when we started playing the game, and only experience can teach us the error of our ways. Therein, however, lies the problem.

The loss of newbie astonishment is quite similar to the fabled loss of childhood innocence, an idea about which plenty of media has been made. In the case of the loss of childhood innocence, we (supposedly) gain knowledge about the world through our experience, but trade off the optimism of our youthful ignorance of all that is bad in the world. Of course, playing WoW isn't as bleak of a prospect as simply living in the real world, but in WoW, we still trade off our amazement at everything we experience in exchange for the knowledge that comes from experiencing that content. It's a trade off we all have to make eventually, in every game we play, if we enjoy it enough to play it again, and I certainly enjoyed leveling my druid enough to level more characters through the game again.

But it will never be the same. I now take only gathering professions on my alts, rather than a crafting profession that might add some depth to the experience, not only because I now know that to be the most efficient option (so I don't need to support my alt with donations from my main), but also because my experience has shown me that I rarely stick with an alt long enough to make it worth it to put that amount of dedication into leveling his profession. I am similarly jaded about raiding and PvP. When I first went into a battleground, the novelty was what captivated me, for fighting players--as opposed to computer controlled enemies--was completely new to me. After some time, though, once the novelty started to wear off, I realized I just wasn't cut out for PvP. I wasn't competitive enough, and hated dying as frequently as I did when I first started out, so needing to inflict that experience on other players in order to win left a bad taste in my mouth. My experiences with raiding have been similar. Though my first few raids were a fun experience, after some time, the novelty soon gave way to frustration with the constant wipes inherent in progression raiding, the monotony inherent in non-progression raiding, and the pressure to be at the top of my game and to not mess up inherent in both.

The PvP and raiding examples I mentioned may seem like me simply exchanging my former optimism for pessimism and focus on the negative, as seems to happen with the loss of childhood innocence, but it is really a case of the novelty of those experiences preventing me from noticing the things I didn't like about them. Once that novelty wore off, it was clear that raiding and PvP weren't for me. Losing the novelty of leveling, on the other hand, was different experience for me, because after the novelty wore off, I was still able to find things to enjoy about the leveling process.

So what was the difference between leveling before the novelty wore off and leveling after? It seems to me that the commonality between all of the contrasts between my nostalgia for the first time I leveled through Azeroth and my current experiences is concern. I take two gathering professions instead of a gathering profession and a crafting profession because I'm concerned about having enough money to make my alt self-sufficient. I take multiple quests at once and do them all in one go because I'm concerned about leveling efficiently. I don't grind anymore because I know it's simply not as efficient as questing (and yes, I do miss grinding). The things I used to do and enjoy are now things I shy away from because experience has taught me not to do them.

Would I still enjoy them if I were to ignore my experience and do something considered newbish? Probably. Would taking one quest at a time, grinding every once in a while, or taking a crafting profession on my alt diminish my enjoyment of the game? Theoretically, it shouldn't. After all, I used to enjoy the game in spite of doing those things. And yet, when I consider doing them now, I am hesitant because my experience leads me to believe that I will enjoy the game more by avoiding grinding or taking multiple quests at a time or taking two gathering professions.

Herein lies the greatest irony of the issue of newbish amazement: as we gain experience with the game, we think we become better at figuring out what will make the game more fun for us, but even if we do, we stop considering things we once found fun to be enjoyable. As much as I want to confidently say that doing multiple quests at once is always more fun than doing one at a time, that leveling an alt with two gathering professions is always more fun than doing so with a gathering and a crafting profession, and that questing is always more fun than grinding, I can't. I can't, because when I think back to how much fun I used to have while doing things the "inferior" way, I realize that the game was no less fun then than it is now; in fact, it may have been more fun. Of course, I may just be looking back with rose-tinted glasses and reminiscing about enjoying those ways of playing simply because I wasn't aware that better ways exist. Maybe the way I play the game now really is the "best" way, and I'm just getting bored with it because it's the only way I play, so there isn't much variety. It's really not possible to know.

I can't really find a satisfactory way to end this post, so let me just leave you with a song by Evanescence about the loss of childhood innocence; I think it fits the theme of this post well.